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What’s love and being loved?

If we say to someone, ‘I cannot live without you, you complete me, without you, I am nothing, never leave me…’ it’s because we have been sold a lie about love.


Love is not what we believe it to be, or at least it is not how we practice it in our daily lives.


And in our innocence, we have taken this lie for Truth. In most cases, it’s because everyone around us was doing the same thing, and out of fear of being alone, we wanted to embrace this lie. We have failed to immerse ourselves in the joy of our own presence to find security.


Most of us are convinced that fulfillment, security, happiness, well-being always come from someone else, from acquiring someone else.

Yet, we should not speak of love in terms of having but in terms of being, of our Being.


No one can come to save us, there is no special person, no messiah who can come to rid us of our pain, of this feeling of emptiness, of separation, of abandonment that has been with us since childhood. No one can feel our feelings for us, live or die for us, no one has the power to permanently distract us.


We seek to escape our own inner world, pursuing the illusion that we will find the solution to our pain in the form of someone else who must come to save us.


No one can take ownership of our person or prevent us from being ourselves, from being our other half. Our fulfillment is not external, but deep within us, in our own presence. Many people search for love or try to hold onto a love that seems to elude them.

They feel they have lost love and try to recover it by fleeing the unpleasant feelings of separation,
Numbing themselves with other dreams,
Moving further and further away from themselves,
Searching for something they will never find,
Continuously dreaming of a special person to complete them, to offer them a life of psychological security, to be the perfect mother or father they never had in the world.


Of course, this is not love; it is fear.
It is an imminent flight from loneliness, having to find or lose love, whether love is given or taken away, having to fight to obtain it, manipulate it, or manipulate others to obtain it, thinking we are not worthy of it, that it hurts… This version of love comes from the mind, which identifies with the ego.


Love as we understand it, as we practice it, is not love. It is the ego’s version of love, which is a lie. If we love, we are present. Love is within us, not outside us; it is our essence, our reality. We are made of love because we are the children of God, and God is love.

If we love someone, we are present with them, as present as we should be with ourselves, as present as the sun in the sky, despite the clouds and storms.

Let us not confuse love with desire; desire comes and goes. Desire is not consistent like love.

Let us not confuse love with attraction. Attraction rises and falls like ocean waves; it changes with seasons, days, hours, moments; it is not always present like love.

Let us not confuse love with pleasant, warm feelings, or even the extravagant feelings of being ‘in love.’ Pleasant feelings quickly transform into painful ones; love is neither pleasure nor pain, ecstasy nor suffering; it is the realm that persists even when fullness dissolves into despair.

Let us not confuse love with the desire to possess or be possessed by someone; love is not a whim; it is neither obsessive nor compulsive; love clings to nothing; love possesses nothing; it is formless; it does not tell the other that they are essential to its joy, to its life…


The most dangerous myth is the one that says another person can make us happy. This is not the case.
Love is synonymous with freedom; it is having an open heart, ready to feel each moment. True happiness is the one:
That cannot be bought,
That cannot be sold,
That is identical to our own presence,
That no one can give us,
That no one can take away.


Once again, we speak in terms of being, not having.


If we seek someone else to find our happiness:
We will always depend on them,
We will always fear losing them; fear and resentment will simmer beneath our love.
We will become accustomed to pleasing them, numbing ourselves with thoughts and feelings, closing ourselves off from the truth to live in the realm of imagination.
We will make ourselves unhappy to gain their love, to keep them by our side, to control them.
We will make ourselves unhappy trying to make them happy or forcing ourselves to be happy.


This is not love; it is dependency, it is fear disguised as ‘romance,’ it is a lie. We must dismantle our belief system. These truths may seem unbearable to our ego.
All dependency is rooted in the desire to return home, to paradise, in the deepest sense of the term. In this place of presence, let us spend time with those who nourish us, those who help us feel alive, those who can appreciate our precious feelings.


When we do not try to win the love of another, when we do not use our own painful feelings, then we can truly love and be loved.

Invite others into our field of love, let them stay or go, honor their path, and follow our own with courage. But do not believe for a moment in the lie that salvation lies anywhere other than in the heart of our exquisite presence, where no one can be saved, where we touch life and are touched in return, moment by moment, knowing that we are our best lover, companion, friend, guru, mother, father.

At that moment, we can say to ourselves, ‘Without you, I cannot live; you complete me; without you, I am nothing; never leave me…’


Source: Frecuencia TV,  Pablo Ravale